How to prevent corpse mouth AND save your clothes from red wine stains

Ever snapped a selfie after a couple glasses of red and your mouth looks black?

This is what I refer to as corpse mouth. I heard this term at my cousins wedding and have yet to find anything else that describes it better. It is not hot.I have some ways to keep your mouth looking alive and photo friendly:

Wear lip gloss

You probably do this anyways. Boys, go pick up some chapstick. Just keep applying after each glass of red. This will act as a barrier between your pretty lips and the vino.

Brush before you drink

Red wine will stain the plaque on your teeth, yikes. Put in a good scrub before you start drinking. If you are like me, you have a dental hygiene obsession and carry a little toothbrush around with you anyways. I’m actually going to go brush my teeth now.

Tannins, natural dye and acid are what cause the stains.

You could use something like Wine Wipes to swipe your teeth after, or a tissue would work too.

A whitening pen can be applied to your teeth and peroxide will get rid of those stains in minutes. However, the pen makes your teeth more porous so wait until you are done drinking red wine before you do this.

Veggie toothbrush?

Celery, broccoli and cauliflower (if you can afford it) contain fibre, which is a natural scrub for your teeth.


Cheese coats your teeth with calcium, which prevents discolouration. BOOM, load up my plate. Hard cheeses work best.

You will be tempted to brush the red away. Don’t.

The high acidity in wine makes your teeth sensitive to abrasion. You might damage the enamel. Go eat some broccoli.

Drink sparkling water

This causes saliva (the cheese actually might too) and will protect your teeth from the purple sea that is ready to latch onto your teeth. The carbonation will also wash a bit of the wine away. It’s not a cure, but it will help. You will also need sparkling water for when you spill on your white shirt, three times, at a friend’s family dinner.





Time is of the essence when removing any red wine stain. Do not try these tricks on dry-clean only clothing.

Set your shirt, tablecloth, or whatever other item the stain is on over a bowl. You will be pouring liquids over it.

Dab the stain with paper towels to absorb as much wine as possible. DO NOT RUB.

Keep it wet with something like sparkling water so the stain doesn’t settle.

Pass the salt!

Sprinkle salt liberally on the stain. It will slowly absorb the wet stain. Leave it for about five minutes, then boil water and pour over the stain. If this doesn’t work we are going to try the hard stuff.

Mix one part vinegar and two parts water and soak the stain in that. If the stain doesn’t come out then we will bring out the big guns.

After 2-5 hours

Any Oxi-type product should do the trick.

Just in case you forgot about this guy.

Throw your stained item in the wash and VOILA!

If that doesn’t work, go buy a new shirt.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s