How to prevent corpse mouth AND save your clothes from red wine stains

Ever snapped a selfie after a couple glasses of red and your mouth looks black?

This is what I refer to as corpse mouth. I heard this term at my cousins wedding and have yet to find anything else that describes it better. It is not hot.I have some ways to keep your mouth looking alive and photo friendly:

Wear lip gloss

You probably do this anyways. Boys, go pick up some chapstick. Just keep applying after each glass of red. This will act as a barrier between your pretty lips and the vino.

Brush before you drink

Red wine will stain the plaque on your teeth, yikes. Put in a good scrub before you start drinking. If you are like me, you have a dental hygiene obsession and carry a little toothbrush around with you anyways. I’m actually going to go brush my teeth now.

Tannins, natural dye and acid are what cause the stains.

You could use something like Wine Wipes to swipe your teeth after, or a tissue would work too.

A whitening pen can be applied to your teeth and peroxide will get rid of those stains in minutes. However, the pen makes your teeth more porous so wait until you are done drinking red wine before you do this.

Veggie toothbrush?

Celery, broccoli and cauliflower (if you can afford it) contain fibre, which is a natural scrub for your teeth.

CHEESE PLEASE!

Cheese coats your teeth with calcium, which prevents discolouration. BOOM, load up my plate. Hard cheeses work best.

You will be tempted to brush the red away. Don’t.

The high acidity in wine makes your teeth sensitive to abrasion. You might damage the enamel. Go eat some broccoli.

Drink sparkling water

This causes saliva (the cheese actually might too) and will protect your teeth from the purple sea that is ready to latch onto your teeth. The carbonation will also wash a bit of the wine away. It’s not a cure, but it will help. You will also need sparkling water for when you spill on your white shirt, three times, at a friend’s family dinner.

 

 

STAINS PART 2

 

Time is of the essence when removing any red wine stain. Do not try these tricks on dry-clean only clothing.

Set your shirt, tablecloth, or whatever other item the stain is on over a bowl. You will be pouring liquids over it.

Dab the stain with paper towels to absorb as much wine as possible. DO NOT RUB.

Keep it wet with something like sparkling water so the stain doesn’t settle.

Pass the salt!

Sprinkle salt liberally on the stain. It will slowly absorb the wet stain. Leave it for about five minutes, then boil water and pour over the stain. If this doesn’t work we are going to try the hard stuff.

Mix one part vinegar and two parts water and soak the stain in that. If the stain doesn’t come out then we will bring out the big guns.

After 2-5 hours

Any Oxi-type product should do the trick.

Just in case you forgot about this guy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PU8ZxQj7eE

Throw your stained item in the wash and VOILA!

If that doesn’t work, go buy a new shirt.

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Cardboardeaux – 7 Reasons to Drink Boxed Wine

Many restaurants, or maybe just the ones I frequent,  serve boxed wine as their house wine. So why does it have the reputation of a dirty belly button?

I must admit, I just figured out the joys of boxed wine last summer. I too judged a book by its cover and snubbed the cardboard box until then. But then I realized:

#1 It lasts WAY longer.

The airtight plastic bag and spigot allow the wine to last up to six weeks.

#2 It’s WAY cheaper to buy a box than five bottles of wine.

It ends up being about $4 – $6 per bottle.

#3 In Australia they call it Goon and it’s cool there, so why not here? #slapthegoon (I know Ms. Fletcher knows what I’m talking about. P.S. her blog is hilarious. Go read it. https://kylafletcher.wordpress.com)

Fun Fact: Boxed wine was actually invented in Australia.

#4 If you drop the box it wont break.

#5 No cork taint.

#6 If you just want to have one glass you don’t have to worry about opening a bottle and letting it go bad.

Don’t let that open bottle pressure you into drinking it anymore!

#7 Boxed wine has a lower carbon footprint than bottled wine.

Give yourself a pat on the back next time you choose that box over the bottle.

There are some cons to the box.

It’s a big commitment if you haven’t tried the wine before and the selection isn’t that great just yet. My friends/wine enthusiasts shared their favourite boxed wine if you decide to take the leap: Concha y Toro Frontera, Black Box Cab Sav, Mission Ridge Cab Sav, Radio Boka Tempranillo, and Peller Estates Pinot Grigio

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She may be spending too much time with me…. (Just to be clear, she did not drink any, she just wanted to help me carry my “groceries”)

 

To decant, or not to decant?

My mother is a clean freak. She raised me to leave everything spotless and clean as I go. While I refuse to admit I am like my mother in any other way, I did find myself asking what the point of a wine decanter is. It just seems like another dish to wash.

I am often tempted to buy fancy glassware like this when meandering the home dining items at The Bay or Winners, but then I remember I am a poor student and would rather spend that money on what is supposed to go inside the decanter on the weekend.

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Turns out, there is a point to these things besides just looking classy. Decant means to gradually pour (liquid, typically wine or a solution) from one container into another, especially without disturbing the sediment. Go figure.

Wine + Oxygen = softened wine and enhanced flavours

Wine + too much oxygen = gross vinegarish type liquid (oxidized wine)

You can decant white and red wine but it is mainly used for older reds that have a fair amount of sediment at the bottom of the bottle.

But how?

I’m not going to lie, I laughed out loud when I was reading up on this. How do I pour wine into a different container? This seems like pure snobbery. However, I did find an instructional video.

http://vinepair.com/wine-blog/protip-decant-bottle-wine/

Basically you hold the decanter at and angle, and at the end of the bottle you pour the wine out in a way to catch the sediment. That part seems useful, it feels weird when there is sediment at the bottom of your glass. Even though it is totally normal!

White wines rarely produce sediment, but it is very common in older reds and vintage ports. Sediment happens because tannins, dead yeast cells, grape pulp and colour pigments bond together and fall to the bottom of the bottle. When it is stirred in with the wine it can give your beverage a cloudy appearance and add a gritty texture and bitterness.

If you are cracking open an old bottle and want to pull out that wedding gift you have never used then I have a couple tips for you.

  • Set the bottle upright for at least 24 hours before you plan to drink it. I know you remember to store your wine horizontally so the cork doesn’t dry out, right?
  • Don’t let older wines (5+ years) sit in the decanter for much longer than half an hour. Younger wines can sit for about an hour, sometimes more.

The winemaking process today pretty much ensures your wine will be clarified and filtered before it hits your bottle, so pulling that gift out of storage probably isn’t going to make or break your tasting experience. However, it might be interesting to experiment with one bottle of your favourite wine in the decanter and one straight out of the bottle. Gather the crew; you have an experiment to do!

 

Be safe. Drink water. Be kind.

 

Wishing you all a wonderful day 🙂

A Cure for the Wine Flu

Some of you may be on the “New Year, new you” bandwagon and are doing a dry January. Good for you. The rest of us are going to continue enjoying life.

Loving wine comes with consequences. Tannins and sulphites are known to cause awful headaches. Organic wines usually have fewer amounts of sulphites.

We know the basic rules of avoiding hangovers

  • Stay hydrated – turn that wine into water
  • Drink in moderation
  • Get a lot of sleep
  • It’s OK, pick the pasta over the salad
  • Beer (or wine) before liquor, never been sicker…
  • Advil and Gatorade

Help I didn’t listen!

My brain is going to explode, my bed is too hot, and my mouth is as dry as the Sahara.

How to become human again after not following instructions

Let’s hope you were smart enough to book the next day off because you need to sleep.

Advil and Gatorade are still good ideas for the morning after.

Foods that are salty, high in fat and protein can delay the absorption of alcohol. Salt helps you replace lost electrolytes and the B6 in meats reduces hangover symptoms.

Basically what I am telling you is to hit the McDonalds drive-thru.

Having a shower will generally make you feel like less of a waste of skin. The dreaded sit-down shower is a high-risk. However, this could help you sweat it out.

My next recommendation would be some type of exercise. I would probably never do this myself, but I hear it does wonders. One time I went to a hot yoga class and fell asleep. I actually did feel better after.

The caffeine snooze

Have a cup of tea and take a 20-minute nap. I encourage you to do a 360° blanket wrap and go burrito style.

I don’t need to tell you to chug water and watch mindless YouTube videos. Or Making a Murder! Watch that!!! But so help me God if you tell me what happens….

If all else fails, have a Caesar.

Happy hangovers kids.

P.S. This is pretty hilarious

http://www.buzzfeed.com/laurasilver/beware-the-red-demon#.cu2jXevRk

P.P.S. Shoutout to my BFF Ronnie who celebrated her 26th birthday yesterday and could probably use this advice this morning.

ron